My friend shared this link on her Facebook page: How to Raise a Kid Who Isn't Whiny and Annoying. I liked it so much I blog-stocked it all the way to it's original post on LyzLenz.com. And, I think I like the original title, Pinterest Stress AKA White Girl Problems, better than the Huff Post title. And I find it utterly amusing that, in the four or five articles I read, this mom and blogger refers to herself as white and/or middle class in nearly all of them. But that's not what I was inspired to write about. I love that she writes, "I don't care if that kid took your toy, get it back yourself, that's street justice." That line is in the Huff Post copy, in case you read both. I never think of street justice as a white girl problem, but something about that line really wheedled it's way into my brain.
I think it must have been the snow day. Yesterday was our first snow day of the school year and I had to exercise the mom-arm-of-justice at least once before lunch time. I had actually taken note that Patty and JT were playing really well together. I guess I'm terrible since I never really take note of what they're actually playing, I'm just happy they're in the same room (a room I am not in) doing something other than sitting next to one another playing their kindles. Apparently they were playing a home made version of Candy Land using the round, plastic counters from Joann's teacher section, spread out in a long line on my bedroom floor. I guess they had found one of the little gingerbread men from the game, but hadn't bothered to look for the actual game board. Really, they should get bonus points for creativity, or something. Anyway, during her turn, I gather that Patty had taken too many jumps. I don't know how they were determining the appropriate number of jumps, but she'd taken too many and JT was upset.
Later, my two little darlings had liberated all the Little People from a draw in my dresser (because that's where I've been stashing those little plastic weapons for years now, I refer to them as weapons because it's like a bomb attack when you step on one in the middle of the night). What I could gather through the tears, boiled down to not sharing of the Little People Train. My first thought was to instruct the crier to "take the toy back" just like Lyz says in her article. Of course, this conflict was more of a hoarding of the toys and not a "she took that from me!" moment so I said they had to divide the train, since we do have two different trains to begin with.
Anyway, something about her article and the kids bickering yesterday made me think of something else. Do you have random thoughts pop into your head, or is it just me? I mean, I was literally making the turn into the school parking lot one afternoon when this popped into my head. I guess it makes a little sense, it was the scene from Footloose where Ren is trying to leave the school parking lot and Chuck is harassing him from his truck. I tried to find it on YouTube, but gave up after scrolling through the first nine pages of clips. I know you know the scene I'm talking about. Chuck says something like, "I thought only pansies where neck ties." And Ren says, "And I thought only ass holes use the word pansy," and then drives away. Gosh, I love Footloose. When I watched the movie a few weekends ago, I tried to imagine how a teen might react today, some thirty years later, and I see that teen crumpling under the words of the bully. And that's not what I want my kids to do. I want my kids to stand up for themselves a la Ren with a witty come back and a movie star smile.
I hope my kids are never victims, and I certainly don't want them to grow up to be bullies. But, I want them to grow up with enough self confidence to stand up for themselves, whomever the bully may be. So, why do I feel like kids are no longer raised to do just that? We've probably all told our kid, when the other kid takes his toy, well just let him play with it for a while and you can have it back when he's finished. No! That mean kid just took your little angel's toy, shouldn't you be encouraging Lyz's street justice? At home, I'd probably say yes, but else where I'm just not sure what the right answer should be. This also makes me think of The Pioneer Woman and her kids who ride horses and herd cattle. I mean, my kids can't even ride bikes without training wheels and her kids are chopping down trees and immunizing cows! Talk about feeling like a parental failure! And then I must mention that my blogging friend Kristi recently wrote about having her own curling iron at the tender age of nine, and I just can't imagine giving Patty her own curling iron, like, ever.
I want my kids to be gracious, and thankful, and kind, but not at their own expense. I don't want them to be whiny or annoying or inconsiderate, but that's really just human nature. I don't want them to fall to pieces every time a friend says "I'm not going to be your friend anymore" and those moments have already started, in kindergarten and first grade. And I know this is only the beginning of the pressures they will face in their young life. Oh how I dread the day when they want to sign up for their first social media product or have their own cell phone or their drivers license.
Sadly, I don't have a miracle formula or sage advice to share. My kids have a serious case of the gimmes, which I have been trying really hard to squash. I repeat myself, a lot, when it comes to rules of behaving in public, eventually they'll become the model kid I want them to be, right? But, most of all, I expect my kids to do the right thing, especially when I'm not watching over them. I just hope their "right thing" and my "right thing" will always be the "same thing"!
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