Some of the Best Advice I've Ever Received

I was just over at Finding Ninee reading a post called Stuff about Tucker.  It made me think of some advice I learned last fall.

In our county, there is special education, EBD special education, and an autism unit. 
I have been terrified of the EBD and AU since I learned they were options. 

Why, so afraid? 

You know how people always say your kid will learn the worst behaviors from her peers? 

Like most kids, Patty is constantly learning from the people around her.  With one exception, she is very impressionable.  In her first year of kindergarten, she learned to belch on command.  I worried about her prolonged exposure to children with social and behavior problems in the EBD or AU settings; spending large amounts of time with children who were unable to control some of their social and behavior skills.

A bit shamefully, I admitted these fears to an acquaintance and was given some really good advice.

You do not want your child to socialize to special needs kids,

you want your child to socialize to regular kids. 
 

This may seem horribly insensitive and harsh.  Even I think it's a bit horrible, a whole lot blunt.  But, horrible or not, it's some of the best advice I've ever received. 

Patty is still exposed to some of the most annoying behaviors from her regular education peers; you just can't shield them from everything.  The difference is how we handle those annoying behaviors.  If she comes home doing something, like making noises or faces during homework time, I take a minute and I watch her.  I can tell the difference between clowning around and having a hard time with the work.  When she's just clowning around, I explain that we don't do that while we're trying to do our work.  I do this because I know she's capable of stopping the undesired behavior.

Can Your Child Outgrow Her Diagnosis?

Sunday's Friendship Circle email was packed with interesting articles relating to special needs.

The most eye catching being Study: Some Children Can Outgrow Autism. The actual story was a little on the light side, I thought. But, the question raised by this article, Can a child outgrow autism?, is very much an attention getter. Can We Really "Cure" Autism? was a little better, so read that one, too. But, I felt the best explanation of this came from the NIMH article Study Documents that Some Children Lose Autism Diagnosis.

I am not first hand familiar with autism, so I don't know what your child's doctor tells you at your appointment with regards to your child's future. But, for children with a developmental delay, we were told, there is no way to know if your child will be able to "close the gap" between themselves and regular children their age. The up side of developmental delay is that kids can make progress towards closing that gap. I don't know how it is viewed in the autism community, but if the comments left on these articles are any indication, many families are not going to simply part ways with their diagnosis. And I really don't understand that.

For me, the hope that Patty will be able to catchup to her peers is very helpful as we watch her struggle to learn things that come so easy for most kids. It's wonderful to see the progress she's making, and that means the gap is closing, even if it is just a little at a time. In our journey, closing the gap is the hope I need to get me through those really trying, difficult days. Saying that I want to cure her of her delay is an understatement. I want to annihilate her delay so that it simply never existed. The day we can shed the diagnosis of developmental delay will be the one of the happiest days of my life.

Does the Diagnosis Matter?

If you don't already follow the Friendship Circle, go right now to the website and sign up for their emails.  Don't wait, do it now.  They have amazing articles on lots of topics relating to special needs families.  And some of them are down right funny.

This particular article isn't humorous, but when I read it, I couldn't help but feel like it was written for our family specifically.  The title alone, Should I Get A Diagnosis For My Child With Developmental Delays, caught my attention.  I really could relate to the six reasons given for why parents wait to seek out a diagnosis for their kids.  Particularly the "a diagnosis won't make a difference" reason.

For me, in our journey, I always wanted to know what difference a diagnosis would make for Patty.  Obtaining a diagnosis wasn't going to end with a prescription to correct a problem or save a life.  For me, the diagnosis was just a label put on the situation and I couldn't understand how that was going to make a big difference in anything.  At the end of the day, we were all going to be exactly the same as we were at the beginning of the day, just with a new term to throw around.  You can read about my hostility over labels here.

Am I glad we waited before seeking a diagnosis?  Yes and no.  Patty was just a month or so past her sixth birthday when the appointment finally arrived.  And after receiving the expert's opinion and diagnosis, although it felt like a victory, we really didn't know anything new or different.  Honestly, we still don't know anything new or different, and it's been months since her appointment.  What I do know is that with time, maturity, and outside speech and occupational therapy, combined with the special education help she receives in school, Patty is learning new and wonderful things this school year.  My one regret is not getting her into a good private speech and occupational therapy program earlier. 

If you are on the fence, like I was, about obtaining a diagnosis for your child, don't put off seeking outside therapies.  More than likely, your child won't need a hardcore diagnosis from a specialist to qualify for speech and occupational therapies.  These two therapies alone can and will make a huge difference in your child's progress.  The diagnosis of Delayed Milestones is probably enough to get your child qualified and your pediatrician should be able to refer you for services.  The one hang up may be your insurance coverage, so now is the time to get on the phone and find out if your insurance will cover therapy for delayed milestones. 

When you're scheduling your child's appointments for therapy, ask if there is a kid-friendly rehabilitation department in your area.  Our local hospital/clinic has a department of physical, occupational, and speech therapists just for kids.  It is awesome.  Patty works with wonderful therapists each week and it is, well, awesome.  There's no better way to describe it.  The best part is, I have been able to witness, first hand, the progress Patty is making with the help of these wonderful therapists.

So, to sum it up, I don't really put a lot of faith in a diagnosis.  A diagnosis is really just another word for label.  Labels won't help make a difference for your child with special needs.  But, reacting to a label will make all the difference in the world.